To save time, as ministers have resigned in succession, with more to come, we provide a resignation letter which should suit all circumstances, based on recent experience and those in the next few weeks:
Dear Prime Minister,
Thank you for the personal and public support you have shown me in recent days. It has been an honour to be allowed to get away with it for so long, and it was with great regret that I took the difficult decision to resign when I was found out.
I now deeply regret the circumstances that led to me being found out. Reviewing my conduct, I realise my failing in not covering my tracks sufficiently on this occasion. Before this, I have always conducted myself with utmost determination not to be found out, in spite of all the pressures of office when I felt journalists had started to catch on, I have fearlessly spoken out to ensure that truth and honesty have no place in your administration.
I have always known that politics changes lives because it changed mine, with new opportunties and officials to cover my tracks. This Labour government gave me the tools to make lives better, and I have been working relentlessly from day one in government to make mine that life. I am proud that in every decision I made, I did it for myself.
These have been trying times for the country; hard times which we have selflessly caused. In such times, unity is important, and so if I have one criticism it is that the party has in this crucial hour failed to cover up for me. That, Prime Minister is a failing I must lay at your door. I realise that you have your own cover-ups to do, but we must in these days stand together to cover up for each other.
I will for the rest of this parliament continue to do my best to represent the people of my constituency, wherever it is. I remain ready to serve. If you choose in the fullness of time I am called to serve myself in office once again, you may be assured that I will do my utmost not to be caught again.
